Deeper Underground

Yeah, mak kembali di persada atas permintaan ramai. Eceh kah? Sepak mak, please.

Okay lah, jadi sebenarnya mak tade faham how all the lovely people who have graced my life previously with their presence can actually stand me.

Why did I say that? Well probably I was just being humble and waiting for you to say "Nooooo, you're not that bad!" Hahahaha. Matilah seperti menunggu iPhone jatuh miraculously ke atas telapak tangan yang ditadah suci.

Honestly, I won't be able to stand me, no matter how much I can get lost in self-adoration mode during my best days.

Because I loathe myself when the opposite takes place. When I'm being pushed to a corner, when I'm not getting what I want. Think bitter monster that will grow consistently seperti mendapat tetek implan. YEAH.

I try hard to do the balancing act, but it's just not happening smoothly and si suave has just left the building :(

Sometimes it reminds me of the decision I made long ago; when I was down with what life had to offer me and I retaliated. I took drugs to feel in control of myself, when everything else fail. I thought I could show Him that I can still be happy, at my own accord. Of course, that happiness didn't last long. I've broken my vows countlessly and it's unbelievable how He still takes me in.

That's how it is. You retaliate, you don't wanna accept, you do your stubborn act, be childish and turn your back to everything.

And then you realize that all these actions, are not worth your effort. In the end, the power that you wanna be stubborn to, is the same power you wanna impress.

Go figure.