Have you ever felt numb? Like everything's in a limbo. Like you're living, but on an auto-pilot mode or something.
I know there are some things that we don't control. Like breathing, it is so natural, it doesn't even need any fraction of focus or attention to actually do it. Makes me wonder, what happens if we 'forget' how to breathe?
I get this every now and then. Everytime it happens, I cease to find meanings to my life. More often than not, resort to drugs.
While dancing to this unfamiliar beat, I can't help to feel worry; this restlessness must be addressed to. I can't just let me walk thru my own life unconciously, it could mess my life up. What if one bad decisions while enjoying the limbo could kill me, literally?
So there I go again. Trying to be in control, of my own life. But what is control? Isn't that a false sense of perfection? That doesn't even exist, but we set a standard implying everyone to be who they're not.
And then we get caught in our own thoughts. Trying to find meanings to our lives, destroying what we love the most when it's going just right. Sometimes I do believe we do it just to feel alive.
The fight between being in control, or surrendering is a neverending battle. They say love wins.
And trying to define love brings us back to square one. With that, this post ends.
1 comment:
Maybe there is a fine line in the choice of words we use. Maybe, it is not surrendering that one should seek.
It is submitting. To Him.
Its just like.. getting an education. Going to Uni.
Suppose, you'd like to be a graphic designer. You chose the Uni you'd like to go to and the choice of subjects. There, you have made some decisions (in attempt to have some control in your life), and then you "submit" to the lecturers to guide you through the learning process.
Instead of surrendering yourself to the lecturer, you submit your plans with the hope (and faith in the case of Him), that you will be guided through and at the same time allow you to be in control AND FALL, where necessary.
Its beautiful how He loves us :)
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