Last few nights, when I was about to sleep, my mind realized something.
Why is it that everything we want are either worldly, or human beings. It's like everytime we ask for something, it just has to be any of these two.
Why is it that there is a wall, that denies me the knowledge/awareness that I could get all these from one Source. In order to break that wall, we have to want this Source, and not the things that is produced by the Source. Why must we want ikan-ikan kechil when we can have the sea?
So I tried to 'want' the Source. I wanna know how it feels, to bypass this limitation. That's when I really feel the wall. Something encrypted in me just didn't allow me to bypass. There was pressure in my chest, perhaps in the lungs. I dunno. Wasn't a comfortable feeling, I must say.
I think there's a secret in this. God only wants us to want Him. He's like the hidden treasure; there, but never speak up. And there is this wall. That clouds our minds with desires and lusts.
God. I wonder how he is. It's not easy you know, to 'want' something that you don't understand. That you don't see. We always like to see things, in order to believe. Maybe that's what faith is. To bypass the mindset that says "seeing is believing."
I like to imagine Him. Always with the thought that all in the world is being put together, and these are all energy. It was One powerful energy, that could do/create anything in a blink, and decided to give away some parts of it, and do some magic illustration to paint the world with tempting lusty things, and see who got carried away.
Try to figure out where we came from.
Beyond the mom's womb, please.
Who is injecting these thoughts?
And to be honest; God, what could You possibly want from me? You could get anything. But what am I supposed to do with these thoughts?
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