Borrowed

Everybody is looking out for themselves, and only them. When we're with friends, we want to talk about our day. When we see pictures, we look for our faces first. Did you care how your room mate looked like in it? Hell no. We have this self-importance feeling, thinking that we MUST contribute to something, to someone's life at least, or be that someone's preference.

I did something scary last few nights. I tried to dissolve my soul by erasing self. I tried to think the opposite of how we always feel about ourselves, and instead I believe that I don't exist. I'm nothing. There is no "I".

I wanted to know where it would take me. Where the other side is, how it's like. At first it was difficult, I can sense there is something in me that is still holding on, not letting go. So attached with time, space, and the worldly contents.

And then it started to work. I felt very light, and in the purest state of calmness. But my eyes.. rapid eye movement uncontrollably. It kept flipping and it distracts my mind. DUH, there I was trying to think that I don't exist and my eyes don't synchronise.

I could've pushed myself more, but I stopped. Much to my relief, actually. Shall continue later.