As I was lying on the bed, preparing myself to sleep, I had a glimpse of an idea on how to put my thoughts into words, about this. You see, that's the hardest part in documenting this journey; putting it in a form of words, later on. It always leaves me speechless. Everything I say would be an understatement.
I had once read in a sufism book, for some unknown reason, the author was explaining about lightness. He said that darkness is not a state, it actually means "without lights". Darkness sebenarnya don't exist. Kejadian ini berlaku in the absence of light. Bukan sebab wujudnya si darkness.
Obviously, I couldn't understand it, at that point of time. Didn't actually put much thought into it as well, and continued reading. Until recently, I suddenly thought of that phrase. And miraculously, like as if it was due, a picture was being put together in my head.
I thought of "la illaha il allah"
It means that "there is no God, but God"
And suddenly it occured to me, that this too has the same concept like the lightness. We can't say that there is no God, because the word "God" exists, proves that there is such being. This "no God", whoever he is, hanya bertumpang kepada kewujudan Tuhan, to get a title/name of its own. Without God, the phrase "no God" takkan wujud sama-sekali. Coz we wouldn't know what is the concept of God. Let alone, the concept of no God.
"No God" can only exist where there is such thing as God, for only with its absence, it is able to exist. Hurmm, I hope you could catch my drift. It's a bit deep, I know. But if this knowledge is meant to be yours too, (I pray it would), nothing can stop your mind from digesting.
Anyway, did you know that in Arabic, the only word for God is Allah. Even if they are a Christian, or a Jew who speaks in Arabic, they would call their God by the name of Allah.
And I'm sure you have heard of this saying;
Yang baik itu datang dari-Nya. Yang buruk itu datang dari manusia.
I think in our creation, all the attributes that were being given to us, that came from Him are all the positive values; humble, honesty, loving, kind, etc. Only in the absence of these values, comes arrogant, prideful, and all the worldly bullshit that have gotten into most of us. Again, same concept as the lightness. How would we know what 'hate' is, if we didn't know 'love' exists. There would be no such word as 'hate', because 'hate' exists in the absence of 'love'.
Can't you see? There is a difference between a real being, and a state we often misunderstood as being, thinking that it's real. Bad, hate, and deceitful isn't a being. They don't stand on their own. They can only exist when something is missing. Now, that missing pieces, are real. Don't be fooled by illusions. The more we drift away from Him, the more positive values are missing from us. I think God purposely created this world filled with illusions, to see who's smart enough to find a secret path to Him.
I believe that this world is just for a while, only a blink of an eye, and one day when we wake up, we realize that this was a short-lived dream, filled with illusions to cover His veil and secrets. But mind you, every decisions we made in this life, it will be interpreted.
Do you think God has to follow a sense of time? Seperti menunggu buah mangga masak? That's how we are. We wait for things, things that are not under our control. Again, don't be fooled by our limited perceptions, for He is the creator of time. Did you for a moment think that He has to wait for this world to end? Think again.
Sometimes I don't know what else to think about. But at least I've passed the phase where I'm afraid to think of Him, out of the conventional box view. When He talks to me in a form of good incidents happening to me, it's like an approval from Him. He knows I need that, to continue searching.
And I'd feel so fucking special, whenever He gives me a sense that He's got His eyes on me. That I have received some sort of attention from Him. Am special to the soul of the soul of the soul. The lover, and Beloved.
How nice.
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