Thoughts

I've always been told that Islam is simple. But sometimes I find that we get too carried away in seeking perfections, while doing our rituals. I mean, we are only human, for God's sake. We are not robots, and certainly we do not fit to do things perfectly. So this endless attempts to seek perfections, would later leads us into an internal battle within ourselves whether the ritual itu sah atau tidak, atau diterima Tuhan atau tidak. In another word, it is called perasaan was-was.

While I don't personally regard God as wanting to hear the perfect pronouncation ( and not to mention, in another language that we don't understand. Does He really want us to memorize and chanting words we don't understand? Hmm? ) and I don't see Him as an accountant who maps out a certain direction for us to pray to Him, because He is the owner of the whole universe. I also do not think that the only permitted time to talk to Him is only during the 5 prayers in one day. Because to me it indicates as if God is opening a counter between this period of prayer time, padahal He listens to us all the fucking time, without fail. He never sleeps, so why do we limit ourselves? I've tried hard enough to break the barrier, this limited understanding of Him that clouds our mind. I'm not gonna take a step backward.

In my humble opinion, it all starts with sincerity. Sincerity is something we cannot achieve by pretending. We can surely pretend to pray, to fast, to potray kindness to every single being in this world, but how can we pretend to be sincere to the Almighty?

It is said in one of Hadis Qudsi, Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda:

"Firman Allah Ta'ala: bermula ikhlas itu adalah suatu rahsia dari rahsiaKu yang Ku taruhkannya dalam hati orang yang Ku kasihi daripada segala hambaKu"

It is by sincerity to surrender to Him, not to dwell on His plans that He lays onto us, that we will be content.

From sincerity, it will build confidence. Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h once said, that faith means total confidence. The confidence when you know, God will never let go of an opportunity to help. It's just the matter of time. I totally believe that, and so far, I've never feel that He's letting me down. Not even one tiny fraction. In fact, all the littlest things seem to have a way to help me to achieve what I want. Even if I don't get it, I could look back now, and understand why. It wasn't meant to be. I am bound for something better, and much bigger. To have this confidence to wait, and still be faithful, is priceless, I kid you not.

In order to have total understanding, we must first realize that God has His own way in loving us. A very contradictive way, I must say. But nothing too complicated to understand. He loves us by letting us jump through hoops. Just like how we bring ourselves around other people too. Sometimes we test our lovers, whether they will sacrifice their big plans for us, or we crave to know to what extend that they will do things for us. Sometimes I show love by mocking and teasing her. It's similar to God's way too; there will surely be obstacles here and there, but nothing too big that we can't carry on our back.

Mark my words; When you are grateful to Him, He surprises you by giving more and more. How can I not love this kind of relationship? Nevermind the silence, nevermind the silly judgments I receive from fellow humans. Why would I need another human's approval or compliments, when I have these? He makes me feel special, He takes care of me in ways that I can't even explain to you, and yet whenever I feel it, my soul shrinks ( for feeling so small in His care ) and my love for Him grows. It is one contradictive feeling that I'm addicted to now.

You should try it. Sincere, confidence, and faith. Nevermind those silly rituals. I'm not saying that it's not necessary, coz I believe in remembrance ( zikr, prayers ) to strenghtens your faith. But never allow those rituals to come first, before your sincerity. Rituals will come later, naturally. Once we have established a connection with Him, we will automatically want to do more. There should be no force element in extending our appreciations for Him.

And then, you'll find miracles. He'll talk to you, in the forms of the things/incidents that falls onto you, and guess what? You'll begin to notice it.

Now, that has no price tags on it. Only the luckiest people will get to feel it. I pray that all of us would be guided towards the Light.

Uyeah!